I sat up in a cold sweat. The voices in my head, they never stop. I look out the window, hoping as always to catch a glimpse of someone else's life. And as always, not a soul is moving.

Hell!

I throw off the sheets and head for the door. I grab my keys, the cell phone and the pocket knife on my way out. It's become a habit now. Down the stairs, through the basement and over the wall. I can't let the watchmen see me. It's a little game I like to play.

Crap! My watch. My arm feels naked without it. The road's deserted, not a soul in sight. The guards are curled up in their blankets and fast asleep. Even the street patrolman is nowhere to be seen. That puts the time at about 2.30am.

I head down the road towards the crashing waves. I can actually hear them in the silence of the night. I keep to the shadows, and keep my head tilted down. Even if someone spots me in the shadows, they'd never be able to see my eyes.

There it is, the sea. No lights, no people. With my grey t-shirt and shorts, I was as close as possible to the colour of the sand. It's the best feeling in the world, being invisible.

I'm on the beach, the sand stretching out in front of me, the sea to my left. I know where i'm going. I don't even have to think any more. Her hand slips into mine, warm and comforting...

Snap out of it! She's not here. Noone's here but you, sulking in the shadows.

I take a deep breath, the cold air flowing down my throat. I can feel the cell phone burning a hole in my pocket. I grit my teeth and walk on.

I will not call her! No! Not happening. My eyes focus momentarily, coming out of the reverie. There's still some way to go.

This stretch of the beach has a road running alongside, streetlights and all. I remember protesting against the lights, a long time ago. We managed to keep it off of our stretch, some satisfaction in that. I shied away from the lights, feeling rather silly. Never mind, the darkness is necessary, comforting.

I remember the hours spent on this beach, gazing up at the sky. If you look at it long enough, it feels like there's nothing but you and the stars. And you can feel yourself floating towards them. Makes me wonder why the beatles needed LSD. I've never had more vivid visions than when lying on the beach. It's one of those experiences which are hard to come by for a city-boy. But i'd managed. On the beaches of chennai , on the deserts of rajasthan, in the mountains of Leh and Ladakh... perfect darkness. With only the stars in sight.

I'd reached the point. Are we sure? It looks like all the others. Nevertheless, i turn away from the sea, walking towards the road. And then in a flash, I'm back in the city. Walking between walls. Empty plots of land. Who knows what they'll contain a few years from now. 15 years ago, it was like a jungle. Wild land, yet uninhabited. I glare at the walls, trying to scorch them with my gaze. Big surprise, they're still there.

At last, I'm here. I find my usual seat waiting for me just the way i left it. A little stone block embedded in the ground. But it feels like heaven . I could sit there forever, staring at the cottage across the road from me. With the neat little fence and the honeysuckle over it's door. The little vegetable garden on one side, flowers on the other and herbs by the back. I don't know how, but this is surely what Enid Blyton had been looking at when she wrote her books.

The trees swayed in the wind and the leaves brushed against the wall.

Wake up!

But I am awake... aren't I? Are my eyes open?

Does it matter? It's time to be heading home.

What's the point? What's waiting for me there? More pain, more disappointment. I might as well stay here.

Don't be melodramatic. You should be home. People might have called, left messages. They might need you.

Ha! That's a laugh. But yes, maybe we should head home. Can't be sitting here when people start on their morning walks. They'll look at me all funny and...

*blink*

Ok... It's 4.30. It sure felt a lot longer than that. Well, the dashboard clock ought to be accurate. I check it every day...

*blink*

I'm in my car. I'm in the front seat of my car! In the basement!!

*Groan*... I'm losing my mind. I can't believe i dreamt the whole thing. And i could've used the exercise too. Hell, might as well go upstairs.

I open the door and step out.

*crunch*

@*$&! There's sand everywhere!