It's been a rough couple of weeks. I've been looking forward to the two cultural fests, but i wasn't really looking forward to them, if you catch my drift. It's all about cutting classes, hanging out with friends, and painting the corresponding towns red.

And therein lies the problem.

By the fourth year of college, everyone seems to have found their own gang or clique or their special someone who commands all their attention. Which is good for them, but it's not so good for us, the poor introverted saps.

Still, i managed to have a good time, despite some issues that were getting me down(empathy's a bitch!)...

But now, and this is the important point here, i'm facing withdrawal. It hits me every year after the slew of even-sem fests. And every year, no one's around to talk me down.

It is, of course, no one's fault but my own. Years ago, when my parents told me not to spend my evenings inside reading books, and to go out and make friends, i should have. Because the single biggest regret in my life is that i didn't go out and play like a normal, little boy. Maybe then i wouldn't have this crippling fear of talking to people, and this crippling fear of loneliness that prompts me to make a fool of myself time and again trying to do just that.

It's that time of the year again. I can feel it approaching. I bid farewell to my friends and my family. It's time for me to retreat, to my books, to cope with it all. No more stepping out of my room unnecessarily. No more talking to people in class or hanging around after to catch a glimpse of friends from other departments. I just need my fix. And i just want to cry alone.

It's all this stress. End of fests, back to college and classes, the whole admissions thing, family stuff, not to mention the usual phobias and psychoses. It all makes for a very potent combination.

Life sucks. And one of the few consolations is that i know i'm a good person, not because it makes me cry when my friends cry(it does), but because it makes me truly happy to see my friends happy.

Unfortunately, the happiness is fleeting, like a tear drop in the ocean. It makes a ripple, but it's lost in all that blood, pouring down in torrents.