Bionic Man

I don't quite know what to say about this festember... I think it was a bloody painful 4 days with short intervals of time spent with good friends. One of the only reasons i attend fests at all, is that i get to meet people who i would never otherwise bump into. Good friends, acquaintances, family... But four days of unending tension is too much a price to pay.

No, i'm being overly dramatic there. What tainted my view of this fest was probably the fact that i after wednesday night, i barely got a wink of sleep. Thursday night i was up late, so i just headed for the station to meet the bangalore and chennai trains directly at 02.45am. And meeting everyone who had to be met took all morning... Leaving me about 15 minutes to get to the first event. But i'm not complaining. Seriously. I loved meeting the girls from bangalore and the guys from chennai. I was glad to be able to take care of them(so to speak) on their trips out to my college. I'm not saying i had anything to prove(@vivace), but i'm a very responsible guy. Despite what might have happened in the preceding years... ;)

There was one reason why these four days were... i can't say enjoyable... satisfying. Very satisfying. One of the things i find most gratifying, is the feeling of being needed. I know it's a very stupid thing, and this probably adds to my already considerable neurotic-ness, but it makes me feel really happy when someone needs or wants me.

I guess it's because i find it difficult to spend time with anyone if i'm not sure that they want me around. That i'm an unwanted addition to the crowd i'm with is one of those things that plague me the most, and cripples me so in social situations, leaving me perpetually looking for subtle clues to indicate that i'm not wanted... Which also gives me the distracted air i wear when in the company of friends. Of course there's another, more pressing reason for that, but it has no connection to today's post. To return to what i was saying, the last four days have been brilliant in that way... Every so often i got a call or message saying, "shaz/shastry/ani, can you come here quick?? I need you." or "the comp's not working" or "buzzer's not working" or "projector's not working" or "need help with registration" or any of a dozen other things...

Naturally i'm not claiming that i was the busiest person there... Not at all. I'm pretty sure many many people ran themselves into the ground trying to do their bit for the college. But for me, so many people wanting me, needing me... That was the best feeling ever... Despite the lack of sleep, the bloodshot eyes, the blistering heat, the fatigue which made me feel like i could just drop in the middle of the corridor, i couldn't refuse. I was there. Everywhere every time i was needed, i was there. At least, i hope so. I'd hate to think that there was someone i ignored, even unintentionally...

I know that all that running around made me a sort of errand boy/computer repairman, but i don't think i would've felt any more satisfaction if i'd been in charge of the whole damn thing... I guess that means i like working with people rather than just organising or strategizing... I think i understand now, how people can be satisfied and happy with their jobs, even if it appears menial or unimportant to others... I should've written that for my placements...

Anyway... i qualified for many events, and my own was a success despite the controversy that usually follows a "cluedo" event... I found that my voice is too flat and emotionless for acting or radio(there goes that idea. there's always silent movies, of course)... I met friends from chennai, friends from bangalore and unexpectedly, some family... And despite the few spots of inactivity, i can't really say that i was ever "bored" in the last week.... And that, after all, is what fests aspire to achieve...

p.s. I was thinking of career options... and i was just wondering, what qualifications would one require to become a kindergarten teacher... Just wondering, that's all... :)