I'm awake again and my chest hurts.
I have to wake up and leave for the airport in 3 hours and I can't sleep. It's the same as any other night. When I do slip into a semi-unconsciousness, even my dreams are haunted by the confrontation and closure I can only dream of having. Only in my dreams can I release all this anger, at the cruelty and unfairness of it all.
But it doesn't help. If it isn't said out loud, it's still repression. I wake up from nightmares and even daydreams, the blood pounding in my head, torn between sorrow and sheer rage. And then the depressing realisation that if life continues like this, I will never get my blood pressure back under control. And I will not take bp medication. Not again. I'd rather settle for having my lifespan shortened. At least I can live with that.
Heh, no pun intended.
I have to wake up and leave for the airport in 3 hours and I can't sleep. It's the same as any other night. When I do slip into a semi-unconsciousness, even my dreams are haunted by the confrontation and closure I can only dream of having. Only in my dreams can I release all this anger, at the cruelty and unfairness of it all.
But it doesn't help. If it isn't said out loud, it's still repression. I wake up from nightmares and even daydreams, the blood pounding in my head, torn between sorrow and sheer rage. And then the depressing realisation that if life continues like this, I will never get my blood pressure back under control. And I will not take bp medication. Not again. I'd rather settle for having my lifespan shortened. At least I can live with that.
Heh, no pun intended.
No comments:
Post a Comment