Its an awfully funny time to be sad.
Its the middle of Festember. I'm swamped with work, having not only my own event to complete, but also having to help out with the cluedo team by being one of the suspects. I get to sit for hours on end while people interrogate me(oh joy!) and best of all(hah!) i'm the butler. So everybody treats me with more than usual suspicion, and many pairs of eyes follow me everytime i move(its probably just paranoia). And there's this bunch who think they can make me confess(having solved the mystery(or so they think) with the guidance of that eternal truth, "The Butler is always Guilty!") Their method being to do the big-bad-cop-in-the-interrogation-room technique, wherein they shout so loudly in my face that i can smell their lunch.
But it's a blast anyway. And at the very least i'm getting some attention.
Thats my problem. I always have this feeling that i'm all alone. That there's nobody who'd want to talk to me or speak to me, or even want to sit near me.
The trip to SPANDAN '05 at JIPMER, Pondicherry, was the first time i felt confident enough to speak out and let myself be noticed. And now that i'm 'doing ' an event and am on the 'cultural committee', I actually feel, for the first time, that i belong to a group.
Its an awesome feeling.
And yet(sigh!)... and yet, here i am, with all this stuff going on, sneaking off to waste time or read a book in the octagon, while i could be back there having fun.
I'm not sad per se. I just feel all contemplative.
The problem is that without warning, the feeling hits me that i'm an outsider and how everybody would be a lot more comfortable if i wasn't there.
I've always been plagued by that feeling... except for one period of time between the 2nd and the 5th std. That was when i had a friend who was mine, and mine alone. We were always together and nobody else was allowed in our 'gang'. It kinda reminds me of Calvin & Hobbes.
I don't know why i'm all messed up... i can't figure myself out. When i do... I'll be the first to know. I hope...
I gotta say, I'm one wierd dude! ;-)
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I spotted this book about a month ago when I made one of my rare trips to Odyssey. And I was stunned. Did anyone else know there was a 6th b...
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I know how you feel, kid... Happens to all of us. Don't worry. It's very existentialist and scary! But don't worry... we'll all get over it. It's the circle of life. Sartre and Kierkegaard say so. And, to some extent, Nietzsche.
What's scarier is that i appear to have become dyslexic! Are all those words NAMES?
I bet they were scarred for life. imagine other kids having to call them that! What a mouthful!
Thanks manasi. it was just a momentary lapse of cheerfulness. I try not to let it happen.
Yes, they are names. You should read the stuff they write. Seriously... Fascinating. Soren Kierkegaard actually said:
"Where am I? Who am I?
How did I come to be here?
What is this thing called the world?
How did I come into the world?
Why was I not consulted?
And If I am compelled to take part in it,
Where is the director?
I want to see him."
:-)
Yes, they are names. You should read the stuff they write. Seriously... Fascinating. Soren Kierkegaard actually said:
"Where am I? Who am I?
How did I come to be here?
What is this thing called the world?
How did I come into the world?
Why was I not consulted?
And If I am compelled to take part in it,
Where is the director?
I want to see him."
:-)
Director??? M.S Ananth... and you can get him at MSB 356, MSB, IIT-Madras from 9 to 10 on Monday Mornings...
Or you can write his quiz and get raped...
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