finally, unto the breach

ok! thats all i can take. i can't take no more. the sites i most often visit, with the exception of my mail, are blog sites. sometimes at random, sometimes not. the blogs i see, especially my friends' gimme a MAJOR inferiority complex. every single one of them have started blogs and are pouring out loads and loads of insightful stuff... and its really getting me down. i don't mean to say the stuff is bad... quite the contrary, its damn good stuff. Manasi's stuff is profound and often disconcerting (but always an eye-opener), Anand's is ... um... its good. i really can't think of anything else to say about it, except that you've obviously got more time than you know what to do with. and Ajit's stuff is pure comedy. i wish i got stuff like that more often. it helps me forget a few of the worries that keep me awake at night. thanks a lot da. keep it up.

Theres a lot of stuff i want to say right now, and determined to get most of it out right now. this is the problem with me. i wanna spill my guts out to the world, but then i stop to think and BAM, i have second thoughts. THIS is the single most important reason why i havn't blogged. most of the almost-blogs have been consigned to the bin before they actually got out.

Today, i went through Manasi's blogs. Manasi, your stuff always makes me stop... and think... and yet, i can't really see what to do about it. I feel strongly about these issues, and a lot more... but thinking about them only has the effect of making me feel helpless and downcast. so, i now feel ashamed to say it, i store them at the back of my mind, as far back as they can go, with other stuff that i hope will never see the light of day. And thats exactly the wrong line of thought to get into. bad memories. i think i'll head over to another blog site and hope i find something funny.

Now that i come to think of it, this isn't what i started out to write. in fact, i had a carefully mapped out plan of action in my mind. What exactly it was... i'm not sure i'll be remembering anytime soon.

Hmmm... what else. now that i've started, i'm most reluctant to let go. What with frienship day having just passed, i've been giving a lot of thought to my old friends and school and stuff. And i feel sad and disappointed(obviously not a good day for me) that i much prefered school to college. i shouldn't! i don't want to! And i tell myself that i have friends here. i'll manage. But i still remember the good ol' days with longing. Sigh! Life was so simple then. of course, i distinctly remember saying the same thing about life in 10th, while in the 12th. i guess the past always looks better. I hope not. One day, I should look back and think, "it was worth the journey." Ok ok... i know i'm getting senti. but i feel duty bound to put down exactly what i'm thinking because its a blog. I dunno why. funny thing.

At the end of today's nonsense, i'd like to thank Manasi and Anand, who have been important factors(not conciously, methinks) of my plunge into blogging.

p.s. I'll be back!